As we go through life, some of us are successful while others get stuck. What makes the difference? While any number of factors are involved, some are more important. If you want to be successful in life, you need to check if you’re doing any of the seven items listed here. If you are, STOP! These things are holding you back.

Blame Others For Everything

Of all the things you can do that sabotage your success, this is the most damaging one. When you point fingers and give excuses, you may think it’s making you look good, but it really shows how weak you are. People avoid people who constantly blame others for their problems.

Think about the last time you saw a politician blame someone else for something that you knew he actually did. Or, if you have kids, what is your opinion of them they they constantly give excuses for not doing their homework? Not take a look at your self. If you misplace your keys, do you ask, “has anyone seen my keys?” or do you say, “who stole my keys?”

Everything you do is your responsibility. If you’re late for work because you got up late, that’s your fault, not the alarm clock’s. If traffic makes you late on a regular basis, that’s your fault and you need to leave earlier. Yes, there will be the occasional accident that makes you 20 minutes late, but that’s the exception. Don’t be the person who says “I leave at the same time every day, yet I’m always late for work.”

On the other hand, when you take responsibility you gain respect. If you’re late for work due to traffic, say something like, “I misjudged how much traffic there would be. I should have known and left earlier. I’ll stay late to make up for it.”

The place where most people are guilty of blaming others is their emotions. Whenever you say or think something like, “he makes me so mad”, you’re blaming someone else for something completely under your control.  No one can make you mad or happy or sad or frustrated. Your emotional reaction is exactly that, YOUR emotional reaction. You own it. You’re responsible for it.

Believe Life Happens To You

Similar to the previous point, if you believe that life happens to you then you’re giving your control and power to others. There’s also an element of negative attitude involved.

When you believe that life happens to you, you’re no better than someone in a boat drifting at sea. The wind and waves take you were they want to go, not where you want to go. You feel helpless and out of control. Not only can you not be successful under these circumstances, you end up failing even more.

If you find yourself thinking things like, “I can never catch a break,” or “bad things always happen to me,” then take a step back and ask yourself why that is. Bad things happen to everyone. People that are successful know this and take it in stride. They don’t give up and assume that they’ll never succeed. They take responsibility for their response to whatever comes their way – both good and bad.

Let Your Emotions Rule

This one gets many people in trouble. Someone cuts them off on the way to work and they get pissed off and hold onto that for the rest of the day. Now every interaction they have with others is tainted by this anger. They may even get more angry as the day goes on without really understanding why. By the time they get home, they’re shouting at their spouse and kids who haven’t done anything wrong.

Would you want to be around this type of person? Of course not. Then why would you want to be this person?

I’m not saying to become Mr. Spock and have no emotions whatsoever. Have the emotion, then let it go. If you find yourself hanging on to an emotion, stop and ask yourself why you’re hanging on. If it’s something that you had no control over – like someone cutting you off in traffic – ask yourself if you’ve ever done something similar and why. Was it an accident? Maybe that’s what happened to you too.

When you let your emotions control you then you end up letting life happen to you as well. Get control of your emotions and you’ll start taking control of your life.

Have No Plans For the Future

The most successful people in the world have goals and plans on how to achieve them. It’s strongly recommended to write down your goals and to keep that list with you at all times. Once you have goals, you can make plans on how to achieve them. A goal without a plan is just a wish. Stop wishing and start taking control. (Are you seeing the theme here yet?)

When you have a plan then you can take steps to execute that plan. Without one, it doesn’t matter what you do because you don’t know where you want to go. No plan means you take whatever life gives you. You let life happen to you instead of living the life you want to live.

Go It Alone (Don’t Ask For Help)

This one is challenging for many people. They believe that if they ask for help then they’re weak or somehow less worthing than everyone else. After all, we’ve all heard stories about the lone genius who changes history, or the solo entrepreneur who makes it big.

I’ve got news for you, those stories are, for the most part, just stories. Very few people are successful completely on their own. We’ve all heard the story about how Thomas Edison tried 10,000 times to get a working light bulb. When we hear this, we imagine him alone in his laboratory trying over and over again to get it to work. But the truth is that he had a team of people working for him trying all sorts of different things. He did not do it alone.

We all depend on others for all kinds of things. We can’t be expert in everything. We have to pick and choose. And even if we want to become an expert in something, we can’t realistically discover all the required knowledge on our own. When you read a book, look at a map, or listen to an educational podcast, you’re getting help from someone else.

If you want to succeed, the fastest and easiest way to do it is to ask others for help. Those who are interested in seeing you succeed will help you. Only those who want you to fail will refuse to help you. And you don’t want help from those kinds of people anyway.

If you’re going back to school to get a degree so you can get a better paying job, then others around you – family, friends, etc. – Will very likely be willing to help you take care of your kids for a couple hours each day while you’re in class. If you succeed, then it might inspire them as well.

Ask for help where you need to. It will make your life easier and you may even help someone else in the process.

Have a Negative Attitude

When you believe that life is out to get you and that nothing will ever go right then you’ll see and react to everything that way. You’ll also give up far more quickly when things don’t go exactly perfect. In fact, you  may not even start.

Imagine if you truly though nothing ever goes right in your life. Why would you even get out of bed? Look at what could go wrong just getting ready for work in the morning.

• You could stub your toe on the dresser
• You may not have any clean clothes
• You could be out of soap or toothpaste
• You could be out of food for breakfast
• Your car may not start
• Your car may break down on the way to work
• If you take the bus to work, you could miss it
• While waiting for the bus, you could be splashed by a passing car
• You could get mugged

I’ll stop there, but you get the point. So many things could go wrong. Yet, most mornings, things go just fine.

One thing that goes a long way toward changing a negative attitude is appreciation. Many other people say gratitude is the way to go. I disagree because gratitude doesn’t leave room for more. If you’re only grateful for what you have, then you stop. If you’re appreciative, then you leave room for more.

Appreciation works well with other people too. Would you rather have someone grateful for you, or appreciate you? I’d rather be appreciated.

Once you lose negativity, you’ll start to see all kinds of opportunities appear. It’s not that your attitude necessarily attracted them, but that your attitude now makes you open to them. You’ll also be more open to pursing them since you won’t be hindered by negative thoughts of what could go wrong. You’ll be encouraged by what could go right.

Refuse to Change

I saved this one for last because it’s the key factor that underlies all the others. When you refuse to change, regardless of the reason, then you stop improving in any way. Unless you’re perfect – which you’re not – then you have room for improvement.

If you’re not as successful as you’d like to be, it’s because there’s something more or different you need to be doing. But if you stubbornly refused to change then you’ll continue to be stuck where you are now.

Change can be anything. It could be getting up and hour earlier to exercise or read up on a new subject. I could be learning to let go of negative emotions that are stressing you out all the time. It could be saying “thank you” whenever someone does something for you.

It’s said that if you’re not growing then you’re dying. The only way to grow is to change.